How To Teach Your Kindergartner To Share

By Karen Miles

What to expect at this age
For the most part, kindergartners are good at sharing. They understand and even act on empathy, they're developing friendships, and they like to please others. They have learned many of the rules of social interaction, so unless they're having a bad day (or going through a rough patch), they generally share pretty well — so well, in fact, that they may come home from school with a classmate's shoes on, because they're "sharing."

Some kindergartners, though, aren't convinced that sharing is such a good thing. This is a matter of temperament. "Kids who are more easily irritated by changes or difficult circumstances sometimes have a hard time sharing," says Susanne Denham, a developmental psychology professor at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va. Others have trouble sharing new toys or things that are in short supply (like playground swings).

What to do
Talk it up. Your kindergartner is old enough to engage in a discussion about sharing, so talk about the issue and problem-solve together: "Let's say Ginny comes over and wants to try out your new glitter paints. What will you tell her?" If your youngster is reluctant to share her art supplies, ask her, "How can we avoid a problem?" or "What can you do so that Ginny isn't disappointed?" Maybe she'll suggest putting away the paints before Ginny arrives or decide to let her pal try one of her new colors, along with all of the old ones. In your conversation, point out to your child how sharing will help her build friendships, something of paramount importance to her now.

Don't punish stinginess. If you tell your kindergartner that she's selfish, discipline her when she doesn't share, or force her to hand over a prized possession, you'll foster resentment, not generosity. "To encourage sharing, use positive reinforcement rather than admonishment," advises Roni Leiderman, Ph.D., associate dean of the Family Center at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. In other words, when she does share, be sure to compliment her.

Respect your kindergartner's things. If your youngster feels that her clothes, books, and toys are being manhandled, it's unlikely she'll give them up even for a moment. So ask permission before you borrow her colored pencils, and give her the option of saying no. Make sure that siblings, friends, and babysitters respect her things too, by asking if they can use them and by taking good care of them when they do.

Lead by example. The best way for your kindergartner to learn generosity is to witness it. So share your ice cream with her. Offer her your scarf, and ask to try on her new barrette. Use the word share to describe what you're doing, and don't forget to remind her that intangibles (like feelings, ideas, and stories) can be shared too. Most important, let her see you give and take, compromise, and share with others.

Teach her what not to share. Once she gets the hang of it, your kindergartner may be so eager to spread the wealth that you'll need to teach her that some items — like her toothbrush, comb, hat, and shoes — are best kept to herself.

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/bigkid/gbehavior/66617.html

How To Raise An Imaginative Child

By the ParentCenter editorial staff

What to expect at this age
Chances are that your kindergartner's bed isn't really a bed right now at all — it's a spaceship, pirate vessel, or dragon's cave. Children are hardwired to be imaginative, and your kindergartner's imagination is operating at full tilt. You're likely to catch many glimpses of his make-believe games, since he probably isn't yet as private about these things as older kids tend to be.

Although you could sit by and watch, it's even better if you join in now and then. "A kindergartner's imagination develops naturally, but there's a lot you can do to spark it," says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at Alliant International University in San Diego. "As you expose him to new sights, sounds, and sensations, you open his mind to a bigger world." At each stage of your child's imaginative development, listening to him and participating in his games (when you're welcome, of course) will help you keep up with what he's thinking. And who knows? You might revitalize your own imagination in the process.

How your kindergartner's imagination works
Your kindergartner is used to thinking abstractly; the couch easily becomes a ship at sea, and his toast makes a perfectly plausible telephone. At this age he's also gotten the hang of group make-believe — playing "dinosaur chase" with his friends at recess — and complex role-playing, making up games with elaborate rules.

Why encouraging imagination is important
An active imagination helps your kindergartner in more ways than you might think.

Improving vocabulary.

Children who play imaginary games or listen to lots of fairy tales, stories read aloud from books, or tales spun by those around them tend to have noticeably better vocabularies.

Taking control.

Pretending allows your kindergartner to be anyone he wants, practice things he's learned, and make situations turn out the way he wants. Stories where the brave little tiger journeys through the nighttime forest or playacted scenes with your child rescuing his whole family from space invaders give him a sense that he can be powerful and in control even in unfamiliar or scary situations.

Learning social rules.

Getting along socially can be a challenge at any age. When your kindergartner joins the other kids in the sandbox to create a castle out of sand, sticks, and leaves, he's not only exploring a fantasy world, he's learning complex, real-world rules about sharing, social interaction, and resolving conflicts.

Solving problems.

Dreaming up imaginary situations teaches your child to think creatively in real life. A study at Case Western Reserve University found that young children who are imaginative tend to remain so as they get older and to become better problem solvers. Tested later in life, early "imaginators" were more resourceful when it came to coping with challenges and difficult situations, such as what to do if they forgot to bring a book to school they needed that day.

What you can do to spark your kindergartner's imagination
Read books. Reading stories together about unfamiliar lands and people is a good way to jump-start your child's fantasy life, and books that expand his vocabulary of words and images will help, too. (How can you imagine crossing a desert if you've never seen one?) With books, he can explore visual details, make up stories, and read to himself as much as he's able. If you're reading the text, stop often to explore the pictures and talk about what's happening: "Imagine how Tom must have felt when he lost his brother's baseball!" Encourage your kindergartner to make up his own endings to the stories you read. Read about the world, show him pictures of everything from beetles to pinwheels, and explore in further detail those things that interest him most.

Share stories

Telling your own made-up stories is just as good for your child as reading a book together. Not only will your tales provide a sense of possibilities for his inventive thinking, they'll demonstrate the basics of creating characters and plots. And using your child as the main character is a great way to expand his sense of self.

Another idea

Trade off lines of a story. While you're driving, say to your child, "Once upon a time there was a dog. He lived with a little boy, and they liked to go to the park. One day..." Then give your child a turn. Let him tell the fun parts, like naming the boy and the dog and describing the climax and the ending.

Your kindergartner may be adept by now at creating his own narratives and adventures. If you'd like to encourage his writing skills, prompt him to put his stories on paper, using pictures and simple words. Some kids will take right off; others will need a bit more direction ("Write down three words that describe the cat").

Relish his artwork

While your kindergartner may be more goal-oriented now than when he was younger, the process, rather than the product, is still the most important part of making art. Ask him how he made his creation, why he chose certain colors, and how he feels about it. He doesn't want or need to hear that his finished puppet "should look like this." When he does make something representational, like a picture of the family or a sculpted house, invite him to interpret it for you. Instead of "Oh, it's our family at the beach!" say, "What cool colors you've used! What's happening in this picture?"

Make music.

Some kindergartners are ready for structured music lessons, while others need to be a bit older before making such a commitment. If you're unsure, ask a music instructor to help you evaluate your child's readiness. Either way, you can still fill his world with music. Listen to a variety of tunes together and encourage him to participate by singing, dancing, or playing instruments — real, toy, or homemade. He can follow along with a song being played or make up his own, complete with lyrics. (Be sure to have a video or audio recorder on hand!)

Encourage pretend play

Children learn a lot from dramatizing events from their daily — and fantasy — lives. When your kindergartner invents a scenario and plot line and peoples it with characters ("I'm the teacher and you're the student and it's sharing time"), he develops social and verbal skills. He'll work out emotional issues as he replays scenarios that involve feeling happy, sad, frightened, or safe. Imagining himself as a superhero, a horse, or a wizard makes him feel powerful and gives him a sense of what it's like to be in charge. And he'll develop his understanding of cause and effect as he imagines how you or his friend or his teacher would behave in a particular situation. He's also practicing discipline, especially since he'll be making the rules, whether by himself or along with a playmate (the array of intricate rules kids come up with always astounds adults).

Provide props.

Towels become turbans, plastic bracelets become precious jewels, old bathroom rugs turn into magic carpets, and that moth-eaten collection of stuffed animals transforms itself into a rain forest, animal hospital, or farm. Because kindergartners love to take on the role of someone else — a parent, a baby, a pet — a simple object like a toy cash register or a chalkboard can be all that's needed to spark creative play. Since most of the action happens inside your child's head, the best props are often generic, and detailed costumes modeled after specific superheroes or action figures aren't really the ticket.

Providing a special box or trunk to hold pretending paraphernalia can make fantasy play even more of an adventure, especially if you occasionally restock when your child's not looking ("Let's see what's in the trunk today!"). Including more than one of the same item can help, too, since two pirates or princesses are always better than one.

Use the computer judiciously.

Just because tech companies are churning out software for kids doesn't mean your child will turn out computer-illiterate if he doesn't do daily computer time. Still, some quality programs for kindergartners can spark your child's imagination, from drawing, painting, and music software to virtual treasure hunts. And the Internet can be an invaluable resource for looking up topics of interest — hunting down the latest photos of Jupiter or colorful pictures of a coral reef — and exposing your child to different cultures and ideas from around the world.

Limit TV time.

When it comes to your child's TV viewing, balance is key. There are some excellent programs for teaching kids how a baby kangaroo behaves or how other kids their age live in Japan, and you can record shows to provide quality programming at convenient times. But don't overdo it.

Movies and TV shows tend to limit a budding imagination since they do the visualizing for your child, says Michael Meyerhoff, executive director of Epicenter, a parenting information center in Illinois. If your child does watch TV, keep it to less than an hour or so a day. Resist the temptation to use it as an electronic babysitter; instead, sit and watch along with him, posing questions, expanding on ideas presented in the show or movie, and finding out what strikes him as most interesting.

Let him be bored.

We tend to think we need to provide our children with constant enrichment through school, after-school activities, and weekend sports or music classes. And it's painful to hear "I'm booooored!" on unscheduled Saturday afternoons. But don't feel compelled to whip up an activity every time he whines. Being forced to figure out how to amuse himself often leads to the most inventive and absorbing games your child will play. You never know what you might learn yourself when he decides to see if one roll of Scotch tape can run from the upstairs bathroom all the way to the backyard, or whether couch cushions balanced on blocks make as good a fort as a blanket slung over the kitchen chairs.

How to live with your kindergartner's imagination
Set limits. Creating and enforcing rules — no hitting with the "sword" — is crucial for everyone's sake. But if you can, let your child live for a bit with the reminders of his flights of fancy. The fact that the dining room table isn't available for dinner because it's currently serving as an igloo gives you the perfect excuse to have a "picnic" on the living room floor.

Accept his imaginary friend. Experts believe that having an imaginary friend is a sign of a creative, social child who's working out a way to manage his own fears or concerns. Some studies suggest as many as half of all kids have an imaginary pal at some point.

However, if your child starts blaming the buddy for something he did, it's time for a reality check. You don't need to accuse him of lying, but do address the behavior. Have your child, along with the imaginary sidekick, rectify the situation (clean up the mess, apologize, etc.) and make it clear the act was unacceptable.

Keep messes manageable. Yes, reenacting the story of Hansel and Gretel might lead to a trail of crumbs through the living room. If you have the space, it's a good idea to designate a room, or part of a room, as an arts and crafts corner, where your child is free to create without worrying about making a mess.

Some containment strategies can also help: Old button-down shirts make great smocks when worn backwards with the sleeves cut off, plastic sheeting under the Play-Doh construction site can protect the rug, and large sheets of butcher paper over the crafts table can prevent an encrusted layer of multicolored paints or glue.

Encourage wild ideas.

When an enthusiastic kindergartner says, "Let's build a roller-coaster in the backyard!" it's easy to be practical and point out the expense, building code violations, and safety hazards that would incur. But far-fetched whims can be the seeds of inventive thinking. It's better for his creativity if you answer, "Why don't you start by building a small-scale model for your toy soldiers?" and point out the long-unused toy train track that he can fashion into a mini amusement park outside. (Be prepared to help out!)

Enjoy the offbeat.

When your kindergartner decides his favorite clothing color is black and he wants to wear it (along with his lime green belt) head to toe every day, or that his bedroom looks best with the curtains rolled up onto the rod, cut him some slack. Adults are socialized to view only certain behavior and aesthetics as acceptable, but your child is still developing his sense of what's attractive or appealing. So let him experiment (within reason!).

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/bigkid/gdevelopment/66769.html

How To Raise A Happy Child

By Jill Storey

Like any parent who wants the best for her children, Trish Bragg has done everything she can to make sure Isabel, Charlie, and Madeline are healthy, have plenty of stimulating activities to fill their day, and are loved unconditionally. Yet, like many, she struggles with parenting's million-dollar question: Are my kids happy? "Among all my friends, that's what we want to know," Bragg says.

What makes children happy may surprise you.

Child development experts who study the subject say that happiness isn't something you can give a child like a prettily wrapped present. In fact, says Edward Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, over-indulged children — whether showered with toys or shielded from emotional discomfort — are more likely to grow into teenagers who are bored, cynical, and joyless. "The best predictors of happiness are internal, not external," says Hallowell, who stresses the importance of helping kids develop a set of inner tools they can rely on throughout life.

The good news is you don't have to be an expert in child psychology to impart the inner strength and wisdom it takes to cheerfully weather life's ups and downs. With patience and flexibility, any parent can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of happiness.

Learn to read the signs
When your child was a baby and toddler, you probably had a good sense of whether he was happy or sad. His face lit up in a huge smile when you came home, and he sobbed endlessly when the dog shredded his beloved blankie.

Now that he's older, his emotions are more complex. But fortunately, his ability to control them is a lot stronger. Still, the outward signs of whether he's happy or unhappy are not hard to read. A happy child smiles, plays, shows curiosity, socializes with other children, and doesn't need constant stimulation.

Conversely, says Hallowell, the signs of an unhappy child are clear: The child "is withdrawn, quiet, not eating very much, doesn't spontaneously get involved with other children, doesn't play, doesn't ask questions, doesn't laugh and smile, and has very spare speech."

If you have a naturally shy or introverted child who doesn't laugh or interact a lot, that doesn't mean he's unhappy. Shyness is not the same as sadness, but you'll have to work harder to read his signs. Hallowell says to be aware of any major changes in his behavior — becoming more isolated or fearful — that might suggest he's having problems you should pay attention to.

Paul C. Holinger, professor of psychiatry at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago, has identified nine inborn "signals" that babies use to communicate their feelings. You can recognize these signals in your older children also. Two of the signals, "interest" and "enjoyment," are positive feelings, while the negative signals, especially "distress," "anger," and "fear," add up to an unhappy child.

Most parents recognize that a fearful, easily upset child isn't a happy camper, but Holinger finds that many parents don't recognize that an angry child is usually expressing sadness. No matter the age, "anger is simply excessive distress," says Holinger. When your child hits his brother or yells "I hate you!" it means he's distressed beyond his ability to deal with it.

Your child probably has his own ways of showing you when he's going through a hard time. Some kids may withdraw, some may lash out, and still others may become clingy. As you get to know your own child's temperament, you'll become better at learning the signs that something's not right in his world. For more insights into your child's natural temperament, check out our article, "Are children born happy?"

Make room for fun
If your child took a minute to think about her happiest times, she would probably realize that what makes her happiest is you. And that's the first key to creating a happy child says Hallowell. "Connect with them, play with them," he advises. "If you're having fun with them, they're having fun. If you create what I call a 'connected childhood,' that is by far the best step to guarantee your child will be happy."

Play creates joy, but play is also how your child develops skills essential to future happiness. Unstructured play allows her to discover what she loves to do — build cities out of blocks, teach math to her stuffed animals — which can point her toward a career that will seem like a lifetime of play. Play doesn't mean after-school lessons, organized sports, and other structured, "enriching" activities. Play is when children invent, create, and daydream.

Kim Orr of Atlanta says that when her youngest was born, the two older children had to drop some of their scheduled activities. "With more downtime," says Orr, "they truly are happier within themselves. I see they're able to manage other aspects of their lives better, which breeds an inner happiness."

Help them develop their talents
Hallowell's prescription for creating lifelong happiness includes a surprising twist: Happy people are often those who have mastered a skill. For example, when your child practices riding a bike, he learns from his mistakes, he learns persistence and discipline, and then he experiences the joy of succeeding due to his own efforts.

He also reaps the reward of gaining recognition from others for his accomplishment. Most important, he discovers he has some control over his life: If he tries to do something, he has the satisfaction of finding that, with persistence, he can eventually do it. Research shows that this feeling of control through mastery is an important factor in adult happiness. Finally, Hallowell warns that children, like adults, need to follow their own interests, or there'll be no joy in their successes.

Remember: Healthy bodies equal happy children

Lots of sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet are important to everyone's well-being, especially children's. For exercise, your child doesn't need to be on a soccer team: Just running around outside helps children with their moods. And pay attention to your child's need for structure: While some children are very easygoing, many children thrive and are happier with a set schedule that lets them know what's coming.

You might also want to pay attention to any connection between your child's mood and particular foods. Some parents find that while sugar can give their child an energy boost, it can also create mood swings or aggressive behavior. Food allergies and sensitivities may also play a role in your child's behavior and mood.

Let them struggle with problems
But, you say, I'm supposed to be creating a happy child! Shouldn't I swoop down and make everything better? In fact, Carrie Masia-Warner, a child psychologist and associate director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Institute at the New York University School of Medicine, sees this as a big mistake many loving, well-intentioned parents make.

"Parents try to make it better for their child all the time, to make them happy all the time. That's not realistic. Don't always jump in and try to fix it," advises Masia-Warner. "Children need to learn to tolerate some distress, some unhappiness. Let them struggle, figure out things on their own, because it allows them to learn how to cope."

Hallowell agrees that allowing children a range of experiences, even the difficult or frustrating ones, helps build the reservoir of inner strength that leads to happiness. Whether a child's 7 months old and trying to crawl or 7 years old and struggling with subtraction, Hallowell tells parents, he'll get better at dealing with adversity simply by grappling with it successfully again and again.

They learn that no matter what happens, they can find a solution. This doesn't mean children shouldn't ask for help if they need it, but your role is to help them find a solution, not provide it for them. Learning to deal with life's inevitable frustrations and setbacks is critical to your child's future happiness.

Check in with your child
The best advice on how to know if your child is happy is the simplest: Talk with him. Even more important, says Hallowell: Listen. "I ask my kids if they're happy so often they roll their eyes," he says. "It's a way of checking in, of letting them know that I care."

Masia-Warner agrees that open communication is essential in understanding your child's moods. "For instance, say to your child, 'You seem to be dragging lately, you seem sad. Is there something you want to tell me, something that's bothering you?' Then, let him talk."

If your child brushes you off, try again the next day. But Atlanta mom Orr warns that your child may let loose when you least expect it. "Like one time we were at the grocery store," she says, "and all of a sudden my daughter was crying in the produce section about something that had happened at school earlier that week."

Allow them to be sad or mad
When your child pouts in a corner during a birthday party, your natural reaction may be to say, "You should be having fun like everyone else!" But it's important to allow her to be unhappy. Hallowell is concerned that "some parents worry any time their children suffer a little rejection, they don't get invited to the birthday party, or they cry because they didn't get what they wanted."

Children need to know that it's okay to be unhappy sometimes — it's part of life. And if we try to squelch any unhappiness, we may be sending the message that it's wrong to feel sad. We need to let them experience their feelings, including sadness.

You can encourage your child to label her feelings and express them verbally, which then helps her to regulate them. Don't try to solve her problems for her. Instead, just listen and help her talk through her feelings.

Sharon Cohn of West Orange, New Jersey, believes it's important for her 5-year-old daughter, Rebecca, to learn how to express her emotions rather than bottle them up inside. "She'll say, 'Mom, I'm very angry with you' or ' I'm so sad that we couldn't go here.' I try to validate her feelings. I say, 'I'm sorry you're angry' or 'I'm sad also,' and we talk about it."

However, Masia-Warner warns, you shouldn't overreact to your child's negative feelings. "It's normal for kids to become oversensitive or clingy or nervous at times because of something in their environment, but it's not an unhappiness."

Be a role model
According to Dora Wang, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine and mother of 3-year-old Zoe, research shows that you can pass on your temperament to your children — not necessarily through your genes, but through your own behavior and childrearing style. For better or worse, children pick up on their parents' moods. Even young babies imitate their parents' emotional style, which actually activates specific neural pathways.

In other words, when you smile, your child smiles and his brain becomes "wired" for smiling. But be genuine — your child will sense if you're acting. If you make a point of enjoying small things and saying what you're grateful for, you'll be a positive role model for your child.

You can help your child see his glass as half full rather than half empty. For example, if the baseball game gets rained out, point out what a great chance it is to go see a matinee. Cohn tells her kids, "Be happy about what you have instead of being sad about what you don't have." A wonderful dinnertime ritual might be for each family member to say what the best part of the day was.

Peggy O'Leary of Montara, California, finds that when she's highly stressed, her children react immediately. "They silence themselves, they cower." One time, when O'Leary was feeling low, her son August said, "Let's play tag again, like when you were happy." It made her realize how sensitive he was to her moods. She now makes an effort to show her children a more positive attitude.

But you don't have to hide your negative emotions, either. You can show your child that you're upset about your best friend moving away, and if you follow up by talking about how you will keep in touch and how much fun it will be to visit her, you'll be teaching your child that sadness is a part of life as well as showing him how to find the silver linings.

However, if you find yourself constantly stressed out or depressed, it's important to seek help. "Parents who tend to be depressed are often not good at being consistent with their discipline and providing structure, or at providing consistent praise and having fun with their children. All of this can contribute to emotional problems," says Masia-Warner.

Teach them to do meaningful things
Research shows that people who have meaning in their lives feel less depressed. New Jersey mom Cohn says that charity and helping others is a big part of their family life. Even young children can benefit from this lesson.

Cohn says that after her daughter Rebecca learned about Hurricane Katrina, she and her classmates collected school supplies and backpacks to donate to the kids who lost their belongings. Even helping out with the household chores, such as setting and clearing the table, can help your child feel that she's making a contribution.

Get help
If you're concerned your child is going through a difficult period, try talking with her teacher and the parents of her friends to see what they're observing. O'Leary says that her daughter Jean's kindergarten year was very stressful for her. "I knew instantly from the look in Jean's eye, and later from her tears, that she was overwhelmed," says O'Leary. She talked to Jean's teacher to find out what was happening in the classroom and to see how they could ease the transition for her.

Most of the time, kids are unhappy or upset due to something stressful in their environment: a fight with a friend, pressures at school, or tension at home. But sometimes the source of their discontentment is more serious.

If you see persistent signs of unhappiness — anger, crying, aggression, constant complaining, frustration that's easily provoked, frequent headaches or stomachaches, difficulty sleeping or eating — don't hesitate to consult a mental health professional for an evaluation. Whether you go the route of a licensed therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, make sure you choose someone who specializes in children. Take heart though: Masia-Warner says that depression in children is rare.

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/bigkid/gdevelopment/1492445.html

Guide To Great Playdates

By Kim Wallace

By now, you and your child are old hands at the playdate game. But the dynamics are beginning to change. The big difference? Hurt feelings. Common playdate squabbles still involve sharing toys, taking turns, choosing activities, and winning (and losing) games. Now, though, your child is starting to take such social slights more personally than he did during the preschool years. By keeping some guidelines in mind, you can help ensure that bruised feelings, dangerous dares, and playdate putdowns don't mar your grade-schooler's get-togethers.

Making a "date"

Let your child take the lead. At this age, kids are starting to plan the time they spend together at school — who they'll eat lunch with, for instance, and who they'll meet up with on the blacktop during recess. So it makes sense to allow your grade-schooler the same freedom when it comes to making playdates. The less you interfere in the planning process, the more control your child will feel over his social world — and the more he'll learn about being a gracious host. So let him choose whom to invite, when to make the date, and what the kids will do (schedule and common sense permitting, of course).

Keep it small.

Three really can be a crowd when it comes to playdates, says Sara Wilford, director of the Early Childhood Center at Sarah Lawrence College in Bronxville, New York. Instead, try to limit playdates to one friend at a time. Otherwise it's too easy for the third child to feel left out. If your child does invite more than one buddy over, aim for a group of four so the kids can pair off. If the idea of several kids tearing through your house makes you shudder, arrange to meet at a local playground or park.

Keep it short — at least at first.

An hour is fine for a first visit, and two hours is plenty for after-school get-togethers, says Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania, teacher Lisa Church, the author of Everyday Creative Play. Wait until the kids are seasoned pals before you attempt longer weekend visits or sleepovers.

Get the facts on food.

Because your guest will probably have a snack or two during the playdate, be sure to ask his parents about any potential food allergies, sensitivities, or preferences: Is he allergic to peanuts? Lactose intolerant? Vegetarian?

Playdate protocol

Play down TV and computer games. Playdates are supposed to help kids polish their social skills — something that's hard to do when they're staring raptly at a flickering screen or impatiently awaiting their turn at the mouse. Save the video or computer game for the post-playdate wind-down, and plan activities the kids can do together instead. (Let your guest's parents as well as your own child know about this no-TV policy ahead of time. That way, the playmate won't show up expecting a private viewing of the new Rugrats video your child's been bragging about.)

Set limits on their play space.

As kids get older and more adventurous (especially when egged on by a peer they're desperate to impress), you may need to clearly limit the scope of their play area. (You may want to tell them that playing in the backyard is fine, for example, but no shooting hoops in the driveway unless you're there to watch.) While you don't want to hover too much around kids this age, you should know exactly where they are at all times and look in on them every few minutes.

Keep younger siblings out from underfoot.

Do your best to distract younger children when an older sibling has a friend over (better yet, pair a younger child with his own playmate). Much as you may welcome a playdate as easy entertainment for both of your kids, being saddled with a little brother or sister isn't fair to the child having the playdate — not to mention frustrating and possibly even unsafe for the younger one, who can't keep up with the older kids' more advanced (and daring) play.

Let the kids choose what to do.

Plan two or three activities you think the children may enjoy, suggests Lisa Church, but don't insist on trotting them out if the kids are doing fine on their own. This will only agitate a child who feels that you're intruding on special playtime with his friend. Instead, wait for your cue — usually something along the lines of, "We're bored. What can we do?"

Be prepared for "break time."

Besides having some healthy snacks on hand, it's a good idea to have a quiet-time activity ready in case the kids get too wound up — or are beginning to butt heads. Sara Wilford suggests baking cookies or reading a book together, making a brief excursion outside, or doing a restful arts-and-crafts project.

Resolving conflicts

Lay down the "house rules." Situations will undoubtedly arise that require you to correct your visitor's behavior. Rather than simply reprimanding him, says Wilford, remember that the rules may be different in his house and that he needs to understand the reasoning behind your requests. Instead of saying, "Don't eat in there!" for instance, say, "We only eat in the kitchen at our house." If he's running down the stairs, say "Those stairs are slippery, so please walk carefully on them." This cuts down on the reprimands while still keeping the kids in line.

Let kids work out their own problems.

If the children don't see eye-to-eye on something, resist the urge jump in right away. Small disagreements seldom last long, and if you hang back you'll often find that the kids work out their own resolution.

Intervene rarely, but firmly. If, however, a conflict is escalating into put-downs or physical confrontation, it's time to step in. Remain calm and make firm statements like, "I can't let you do that to Natalie." Remind both parties that words and actions that hurt are not acceptable, and then coach the kids on coming up with a compromise to the original problem. If the fighting continues, separate the children for a while or introduce a new activity that's less likely to cause conflict.

Saying goodbye

Give fair warning. When the end of the playdate draws near, remind the kids that their time together is almost over: "Ten more minutes, boys. Time to wrap up your game." If the playdate was a success, preface their parting with a brief discussion about what they enjoyed this time and what they might like to do at their next get-together: "You two did so well making muffins together. Want to try a cake next time?"

Send a memory home.

If the kids created anything tangible (drawings, crafts, cookies), send your guest's creation home with him. If not, consider snapping an instant photo of the children together and offer it as a parting gift. Kids are often so excited to share these treasures with their parents that it helps ease them out the door at the end of a playdate.

Take the playdate on the road.

Some parents find that rather than leaving both kids whining (or hiding) when a guest's parent arrives to drag him out the door, it's easier to end the playdate by getting everyone out of the house. If it's feasible, consider walking or driving your guest home, then make the trip there seem like an adventure: Have the kids race to see who can get their shoes on first, and talk about the different sights you'll see on the way home. You just might find that the goodbyes go more smoothly on your guest's doorstep than they would on your own.

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/bigkid/ggames/66614.html

Easing Your Kindergartner's Fears

By Sarah Henry

Kindergartners and fear
It's normal for your kindergartner to be fearful. After all, anxiety is a natural condition that helps us cope with new experiences and protects us from danger. Around age 5, your child's worries may shift from the world of fantasy (monsters and aliens) to those rooted in reality (animals, insects, and forces of nature like fires, thunderstorms, and earthquakes). Fear of the dark and of being left alone at night, though, may continue. News stories about death, crime, violence, war, or natural disasters may also cause anxiety. A 5-year-old may also be anxious about the health of her loved ones if there's been a recent illness, accident, or death in the family. And a shy or withdrawn kindergartner may be afraid of strangers or social situations such as birthday parties. Most of your kindergartner's fears will pass as she becomes more secure in her world.

What you can do to ease your kindergartner's fears
Acknowledge her fears. They may seem silly and irrational, but they're very real and serious to her. Try not to smile when she tells you she's scared of, say, the neighbor's poodle or a thunderstorm. Let her know you understand how it feels to be afraid of something. If you're reassuring and comforting, she'll learn it's okay to have fears and that it's best to deal with them. "Try to depersonalize the fear by getting your child to talk about what's making her scared," says William Coleman, a behavioral pediatrician at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. "Fears won't go away if you ignore them."

Trying to convince your 5-year-old that there isn't any reason to be afraid will only backfire. You'll probably only make her more upset if you say, "It's okay, the dog won't hurt you. There's nothing to be afraid of." Instead, try saying, "I understand that the dog frightens you. Let's walk past him together."

Explain, expose, and explore. At this age, there are a host of tools you can use to distract your child from her fear, as well as ways your 5-year-old can work through it on her own. She might, for instance, find comfort in drawing or painting what it was like to see a house on fire. Pretend play can still help a child this age. A game in which your kindergartner pretends to be the scary character — a snarling dog, a slithering snake, or a buzzing bee — can help her feel more powerful the next time she encounters an animal that makes her anxious.

You can also help your child learn about frightening things from a safe distance by reading a book, watching a video, or going on an outing. (Of course, you should avoid exposing your child to anything horrific, gory, or otherwise inappropriate, either on television or in books.) If your child is afraid of insects, try watching a video together about the natural world or take a trip to the natural history museum or zoo. If she's scared of animals, a trip to a petting zoo, where docile creatures can be stroked and fed, may help. If your 5-year-old is scared of the dark, try holding her hand as you take a nighttime stroll identifying the constellations or spend a few minutes in a dark room together looking at glow-in-the-dark stickers.

Teach self-comforting skills. You'll help your child more in the long run if you teach her how to calm herself when she's anxious instead of always rushing to soothe her. If she's upset or agitated, encourage her to take deep breaths or sing a favorite song. By redirecting her attention away from the object of her fear, she'll regain physical composure and then work on getting her feelings in check.

Praise every small step and focus your attention on her accomplishments rather than on the fear itself. "Some kids — like adults — do better with distraction, others with more information," says Kristi Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at the Alliant International University in San Diego. "Try to figure out what works best for your child and have her use that strategy when she's afraid."

Don't be judgmental. Never make your child feel that she is immature for being afraid, and above all, avoid belittling her in front of her peers. Instead, empathize with her. Say, "I can see that the lightning and thunder really scared you." Then together, brainstorm a plan that might help her cope with her fear in the future. Talk with your child in a calm, matter-of-fact way about what's troubling her, and let her know that you're confident that she can overcome her fears. Ask her, "What do you think might help you feel less scared?" By encouraging your 5-year-old's involvement, you help strengthen her coping skills. For instance, you might suggest that she put headphones on to listen to her favorite music during a big storm or curl up with you to watch the spectacle in the sky safely from inside.

Don't share your fears. If your kindergartner sees you break out in a sweat because you're afraid of flying, or if you cringe when you walk into the dentist's office, then she's likely to feel scared of these things, too. So try to work through your own anxieties, or at least try to downplay them. It's okay, however, to confess that you didn't like going to the dentist, either, as a kid, but you went to keep your teeth healthy. It helps a child to know she's not alone, and that you, too, learned to overcome something scary.

What to watch out for
If your kindergartner's fears routinely interfere with her normal daily activities — if she won't go to bed because she's afraid of the dark or she insists on staying home out of fear of seeing a dog — then talk to her pediatrician, especially if her fears have intensified over time. She may have a genuine phobia (a phobia is an intense and persistent irrational fear).

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/bigkid/gdevelopment/66744.html

Is My Kindergartner Ready To Play A Team Sport?

By David Geller, pediatrician [See Biography]

Answer: There's nothing wrong with cheering your 5-year-old on if he enjoys kicking a ball around with other kids his age. The emphasis should be on having fun and getting exercise — not on competition. Many 5-year-olds get a kick (so to speak...) out of playing a casual game of soccer or tee ball. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends waiting, though, until age 6 before introducing team sports, since few kids understand the concept of teamwork until this age. Kindergartners should spend most of their time engaged in free play — running, jumping, chasing.

That said, no two children grow and mature at the same rate, so don't automatically discount sports for your preschooler. Many communities have sports leagues for 5-year-olds where the kids get to wear team shirts, line up on the field, and then just run around chasing the ball or each other. So if your child is keen, look for a good match. As long as your child has fun and doesn't feel pressured to participate, that's fine — whether he's actively strategizing the defense or simply running around and getting a little exercise. Pushing your 5-year-old to star in sports, on the other hand, may turn him away from an activity that should be a lifelong source of enjoyment.

A few things to keep in mind: Your kindergartner can handle only a limited amount of instruction, and won't pick up on the finer points of a game anytime soon. In fact, he can probably follow only two or three commands at once, such as "Kick the ball while you run and then kick it into the net" or "Try to get the ball from the other player and then run with it." And a "game" of 20 minutes or so is plenty for kids this age. The emphasis, of course, should not be on winning or losing but on having a great time — if you can incorporate other important values, such as sharing and taking turns, all the better.

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/expert/bigkid/gdevelopment/71130.html

How Much Exercise Does My Kindergartner Need?

By David Geller, pediatrician [See Biography]

Answer: It's important to give your child lots of opportunities to get physical — kindergartners figure out what their bodies can do (and burn off energy) by running, jumping, climbing, and exploring their world. Kids this age are usually so active that they get the exercise they need just from going about their daily routine (skipping, dancing, chasing, and wrestling). Some kindergartners, though, may need some extra encouragement. It may be as simple as getting your child outside to play ball, chase butterflies, or climb the jungle gym. You'll want to check, too, to see that her school provides recess and plenty of space to run and play.

By now, most kids have grown out of their baby fat. If you're worried about your kindergartner's weight, talk to her pediatrician. If she's too sedentary, replace quieter activities (playing computer games and watching TV) with more energetic ones (riding a bike or roller blading). And make sure you get active with her as much as you can. Play tag in the backyard, start a kickball game at a nearby field, or take a brisk after-dinner walk together.

On the weekends, make sure some family outings are active ones (for instance, hiking, swimming at the local pool, sledding in the park, or riding on a bike trail) instead of sedentary ones, such as taking a drive. Since kindergartners love to be around their friends, invite one of her pals over to splash in the pool or run through the sprinklers. Or bundle them both up to go sledding or have a snowball fight. Kindergartners also enjoy going to the playground with good buddies to slide, swing, climb, and chase each other. If your child seems interested in signing up for a team sport, go ahead and let her. Just make sure that the main focus is on making fitness fun and developing skills — not producing a world-class athlete or burying the competition.

Source: http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/expert/bigkid/gdevelopment/71134.html